Here's the quote which inspired todays Blog Post -
"Beware of Destination Addiction - a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job and with the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are." by Robert Holden
Something, very real that many if not most people face, have to face, are still facing or dealing with. When things get rough, tough or don't feel good......Run!
We've all been here, and undoubtedly will be again. Where we find ourselves repeating an experience, or reliving an uncomfortable situation. Perplexed, we may ask. Why does this keep happening to me.
Why do I keep dating the same kind of women / men. Depending on your preference.
Why do I always end up in the same toxic work environments etc etc. Whatever it may be. We seem to relive these painful experiences wherever we go.
So, what do we do, when things feel uncomfortable? We run.... We look for a new job, a new partner. Because the idea is that it's the job that's the problem. Or its our partners that are the problem. It always seem like we blame everything outside of us as the cause of our discomfort, our fear, our suffering.
But maybe just maybe, in some cases maybe even in most. You may find that there is a lesson to be learned in sticking it out. A lesson in self-reflection, where the following question could reveal some uncomfortable answers about ourselves.
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What within me is uncomfortable with this situation?
There's this fear, insecurity that is triggered whenever these same people, jobs or experiences occurr in our lives. We don't want to look at this fear, this insecurity. It doesn't feel good, in fact it feels terrible. So we do what we do best. We avoid it, we distract ourselves from these feelings of discomfort with food, movies, sex, alcohol or drugs or our mobile phones. Anything to distract us from feeling these feelings of discomfort.
If anything, these signposts, these feelings are trying to tell us something. Look at me, please look at me. But the fear of feeling these traumatic feelings again are to scary. And if they persist, and get more and more intense. To the point where our distractions aren't working. What do we do? We change destinations, change partners, change jobs etc etc etc.
Only by looking at the pain, accepting that this feeling is because of a past experience, trauma, insecurity or limiting belief. And only through being with it, shining a light on it can it be resolved and or dissolved. Then can we move forward in life, then can we find a greater sense of peace and happiness where we are. Not in the next destination.
What tends to happen when we leave, then leave, then leave again? Change, change, change then change again? The initial feelings of change are good. That feeling of discomfort is gone. We feel good. We think, I just needed a new job, a new partner, I needed to be in a new country. But slowly and surely, the same feelings of discomfort seem to creep their way back in. These same insecurities get triggered but by different people, places or bosses etc. And we wonder....WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN?!
Those, our Inner demons are hiding, but they wish to be seen, they desire freedom, to be released from you. They continue to hide in the shadows, in the corner of your mind where they know they won't cause you much harm. But they need to be released and they make themselves known. You feel their presence, you ignore them. They present themselves again, you turn away and don't look at them. Because you cannot see them you feel that they have left you. But they're still there.
Perhaps, if we were to just choose to shine a light on the inner demon hiding in the shadows. Look upon it, accept it and acknowledge it. Recognise it was a part of you created to protect you when you were hurt so long ago, but it's ready to leave. With the light upon it, shining through it, it can be seen and slowly as with any dark or shadow in a room. When a light is shone upon it, it disappears.
So stay, in these experiences to learn what within you needs to change, to be understood in order for you to learn, or surrender to so you can grow. And as a result, start welcoming in the new experiences that you've been waiting for rather than running away to simply find the same experiences you thought you were running away from.
Of course I'm not referring to those things in our lives which are truly unhealthy to remain in. Bad habits, consistently and unchanging abusive partners or bosses etc.
So before you run away, consider what you could learn from staying in the experience just a little bit longer.
I am Yuri Nunes, Certified Mindfulness and Life Coach, Qualified Sport Scientist educating and coaching those who desire to explore and develop the new, peaceful and more balanced version of themselves.
If my article resonated with you consider exploring these and other concepts, by joining me on my online course Mind Mastery. Or consider contacting me for 1-on-1 coaching. Click the images below for more information: