Today's blog post is based on a simple image, with a quote I found shared online.
Before spiritual awakening, After Spiritual Awakening.
And I cannot express just how perfectly this image depicts exactly how we perceive much of what we call suffering in our lives. The 1st image, as you can see this poor child being trod on, punished, abused by another, the world. Whoever, whatever..... Something is punishing this poor child unnecessarily.
It's always someone else's fault that we are unhappy. You may find yourself saying. My boss is such an ass, I'm stressed because of him, I'm unhappy because of him.
My husband, or wife doesn't listen to me, doesn't make time for me. They make me depressed and unhappy. It's always someone else's fault. Granted, they may be asses but they're not the cause of your suffering.
Some may say, we cannot seem to do anything about some of these people, events or things, because we cannot control them. And because we cannot control them, well we're destined to suffer in permanent hopelessness.
But, when we zoom out just a tad, maybe we gain a broader perspective. We recognise some truth in the matter. Yes, we cannot control others, so we cannot base our happiness on others choices, actions or behaviours. But there is something within our power that we can control. Us, we can control our thoughts and our choices and ultimately our actions.
Hmmm, are we placing this pressure, this suffering on ourselves? While I cannot control my boss, his choices or behaviour. I can control how I choose to perceive the experience. I can recognise how I'm getting stressed, my boss isn't making me stressed. He doesn't have a magical remote control to my emotions. When he behaves in a particular way, yes, I get triggered. I....me... There's something within me that wakes up, it doesn't feel good. I'm afraid, it's fear.
There's an opportunity here, to see a side of myself that's been hidden. An opportunity to confront, not hide or run away from this fear.
Perhaps, I can accept that I cannot control my boss. I cannot control this outside force, person or encounter. And that, if this thing, this experience, which in this example is "my boss", hypothetically speaking. If he continues to be an ass, in spite of knowing what he's doing. Then I may need to accept that he is unable to change right now, I am unable to persuade him, having tried. So, the only thing I can do, is choose to change myself.
As difficult as this may seem at times, I can choose to express the love I wish to feel and give to others in spite of how they behave. I may recognise, that I don't wish to live in fear of what if.... I'll do my best and forget the rest.
Subscribe to my Newsletter
When we step back, sometimes we realise that the fear, anger or frustration is within us. When we choose to focus on the fear and allow IT to guide our choices we remain in a state of suffering. That we sometimes feel we cannot get out of. But when we choose to do our best, without being to concerned with what might happen and focus on who we wish to be in that moment. We liberate ourselves from another's actions or choices. In that moment we are free, not living in the future (uncertain) moment of what If. But alive in the present moment of what is. What is, is what we choose in that moment. And slowly we remove our boot from our own heads and watch others, like our boss flailing around frustrated as he holds his own boot strategically applied to his own head.
And come to realise we ultimately control our experiences. Through how we choose to look at it, recognise what fear within us is revealing itself. Realise that it's our fear, our limiting beliefs that are causing this "suffering" and our discomfort at looking at this pain within us that makes us want to blame the thing that allowed us to see it in the first place.
Blog post by Yuri Nunes.
I am Yuri Nunes, Certified Mindfulness and Life Coach, Qualified Sport Scientist educating and coaching those who desire to explore and develop the new, peaceful and more balanced version of themselves.
If my article resonated with you consider exploring these and other concepts, by joining me on my online course Mind Mastery. Or consider contacting me for 1-on-1 coaching. Click the image below for more information: